I've been living and breathing the student written theatre festival the past 2 days.

I began this theatrical journey still wondering about my place in the organization as a has-been board member.

I end this little theatrical journey with a few warm fuzzies and a little more security - but in general, I'm simply content.

I got to know some of the younger people in the organization - and trying to fit in with these people can sap all of my time and energy if I want it to. Fortunately, they're fairly welcoming.

I got to spend more time with older members of the troupe - Darren and Katie being the most prominent, since they were my fellow cast members.

Between shows, and during them, we'd stand outside behind backstage, through the doors that linked the lecturehall-stage with the outside world. And we'd gossip like there was no tomorrow.

Goodness. We'd just talk and talk and talk and talk. Old stuff, new stuff, stuff that was about to happen. It was somehow cleansing to purge all of these pent-up issues - what with the beautiful day, the clear sun and the breeze, knowing that our place onstage waited just a few minutes in the future. And I felt like I belonged, a part of this complicated tapestry of personalities and our bodies of work that is not as easily brushed aside as I had feared. I was happy.

I'm glad I did this show. It's been a very personal journey - Hunter wasn't involved, which was rare. But it will have been a wonderful shared context if I do remain on campus another year. It was a fun acting challenge. I got to act in another ComposerMatt piece.

But all of this aside, I feel the depression trying to creep in at the edges of my consciousness. Little things are starting to pull me down perhaps more than they should. Alcohol is not a good scene.

Last night was Hunter's birthday celebration, and I will write a whole entry on that subject alone. But in case you were wondering, X2 is awesome cool and you must see it if you like the series. Oh my god. Yes.

But now it is a new day. The show is over, and I'm skipping the cast party - partially because it's Hunter's birthday, partially because I'm physically exhausted, partially because the place is probably too crowded, partially because I'd feel old - and partially because cast parties are so draining.

But there's always this nagging fear in the back of my head that the friendships forged will dissolve should I be so bold as to forego their gathering.

Ah, insecurity warms me like a blanket.

Oh, that's really my blanket. At least I can get cozy if I don't go.

I shall write more later. For now, I must rest for the whirlwind days ahead. For my sake, and the sake of my mental health.