Why do I feel like there's more riding on this offer letter than there is?

Because it's not safe.

Disney World was safe. I knew the area. They took care of me, grandfathered me into the benefits of the college program. There were others around doing the same thing. 6,000 of them. Well, not quite the same thing, but related.

SimCompany is in California. It's a production intern position - high stakes and a new role I've only just gotten a taste of.

And there's a chance I might not come back to Pittsburgh - that this is the beginning of my foray into the world for better or for worse.

It's also early to end my search. I've talked to other companies. I know others might come along. I'd be making a choice without knowing all of the options.

But then again, it seems right. Everyone loves it there. The company's very successful. They're totally friendly. They have their stuff together. And it's experience in a new industry, and my first production credit on a video game.

Ok. I've signed the scroll.

Next step: get it into the envelope.

And then the mailbox.

I always said I'd end up in California, right?

*****

Of course, all of this goes on with a backdrop of missiles and death.

I haven't said much, because what can I say? It makes me sad, and scared. Iraqi TV went out today - and when TV stations willingly went off the air on September 11th, I felt like the world was going to end. How must these people feel? (Yes, I know, why TV and not explosions? I don't know...)

And these people... I'd bet good money that there are people from my high school out there, and I don't know it. They're my age. And they're dying, and they're killing people younger than they are.

The only thing I can do to cope is just keep moving on and pretend like we aren't at risk for some kind of massive attack on the country. I don't know why it hasn't happened yet. But it would be so easy for them. And that scares me.

And it scares me when the media says "Look here! What if they did X and Y? They'd kill 30,000 people?" Yes, let's give them blueprints. Let's expose our underbelly even more to those who hate us. And there are so many! Anyone who doesn't care about what the world thinks of us obviously hasn't talked to someone from the rest of the world. We, as Americans, are in deep shit.

So, yeah. The SimCompany. If the world is to end, I at least want to be pursuing my dream when it ends. Living in fear won't help.

*****

Folding the scroll...