Overheard from my boss to my co-worker: "Are we done the fucking rollercoaster yet?"

Completely unrelated to my life, yet somehow apt.

I feel like everything wants to fall down around me.

Sure, I have a cool internship. But everything else is screwed.

Money is a huge issue. As we have previously established, I have none. This is a problem for me. The hope is that Friday will fix this. But most of that paycheck is already earmarked for cell phone bills and rent and crap.

The problem gets worse. I tried to apply for a private loan today to cover the leftovers for tuition and living for my second year of grad school.

And I was denied. The application cheerfully informed me that I can apply with a cosigner.

Cosigner my ass. You need someone willing to cosign in order to do such a thing. The logical choices are a) one's parents or b) one's spouse.

Well, my mother doesn't have the money, and she wouldn't cosign even if I asked her. (We asked her to cosign for our apartment application last year. She refused. This meant we needed to pay thousands of dollars in rent up-front.) Tuition is significantly more expensive than an apartment.

And, well, we all know that I have no spouse either. So cosigning is out.

This puts me in a bad place. My last option is to see if the school itself can lend me money - they have some sort of program for this purpose. If that doesn't work, I think my days as a student are over.

And as much as I've complained about my grad program, the plan was NOT to skip out and render that $30,000 investment useless.

To further complicate matters, I learned of a "complicating development" (for lack of a better non-confidential term) regarding my team at SimCompany. Essentially, my team won't exist come November. It might, sort of, but not the same, and in general everything's going to be in flux.

So this makes securing a full-time or co-op position here that much more difficult.

God, why didn't anyone tell me being an adult was such a brainfuck? I would have stayed at Sesame Place.

Oh, that's right. Staying at Sesame Place meant living with my parents. And living with my parents meant the slow and painful atrophy of my soul.

Or something like that.

I am physically exhausted from being in a permanent state of emotional tension.

In less depressing news, I had a great time on and around the Drunky Bus.

It's more than a bit surreal to be on a bus full of tipsy adult videogame developers and having one of your bosses convincing people that not consuming an alcoholic beverage was a personal attack directed at her.

(Incidentally, this member of my team has an in-game bar object named after her. :) )

We weren't on the bus the whole time. They drove us to Dave and Buster's and we spent the afternoon with handfuls of free drink tickets and free PowerCards and reserved pool tables. Wheeee. We all pooled our tickets in the end and traded them in for a blender for our team's unofficial bar.

My favorite quote? ("SimGame" is the game that made our company famous) -

"Those SimGame people...they take themselves so seriously! They think they're curing birth defects or something! Ha! Well, I get drunk and make video games on a regular basis!"

If only the drinking was more regular.

Or the crap was less regular.

Wow, I could really use some Prozac right about now.