with apologies to weetabix:

Dear Mr. Personal Trainer Bobby:

OW.

Sorely yours,

--Athena

Dear MTV:

"Accident" my ass. Contrary to popular belief, women don't USUALLY go around wearing spangly pasties around underneath their leather bustiers.

Just sayin'.

Thanks,

--Athena

Dear Justin Timberlake:

Unless you mean "I intended to tear off all her clothes (as per the song), but the Velcro was being really ornery", I'm not buying "costume malfunction." Sorry.

--Athena

Dear Advertisers:

You suck.

--Athena

PS: No, seriously. I was more engaged by the FOOTBALL than your $4.6 million dollars a minute of CRAP.

Dear Reality TV People:

Please stop making such watchable trash. You're keeping me from doing more constructive things, like eating and playing video games.

Thanks much,

--Athena